Personally glad that the holidays are here

Santa Claus officially kicked off the holiday season yesterday when, at the end of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade, he smiled his smile and waved his wave. I was wide-eyed and smiling myself. And I will be for the next month.

That doesn’t mean I won’t complain, of course.

For example, as I went down Transit Road in Lockport Thursday afternoon, I took note of the stores that were open. Shame on them. I can understand a couple gas stations and a convenience store or two being open on Thanksgiving. But the dollar store? On Thanksgiving? Seriously? There’s no reason for it.

Personally, I think that gas stations and convenience stores should take turns being open on holidays … and charge at least double what they usually charge. There’s very little reason that anyone should ever need to purchase gas or groceries on a holiday. And if you do, it’s basically an emergency, right? So you get charged emergency prices. Just my opinion. I have lots of them.

Personally, I think that people that spend all their time complaining about government — especially local government — should be required to run for office. I hear all sorts of “great ideas” all the time while people are complaining about corruption or abuse or whatever. Sharing your idea publicly is great. Running for office would be even better. Quit whining and start doing.

Personally, I think that Republicans should stop fighting against Obamacare and start figuring out ways to make it better. Most would agree that it’s not a perfect system. But neither was what we had before. Rather than simply going back to the last imperfect system, it would be nice if Congress tried to come up with a more perfect one.

Personally, I think that we need to go back to driving school en masse and learn how to work a four-way stop. I know people are just trying to be nice when they wave you through. But I always come to a complete stop first. So if you just go when you’re supposed to, we’d all get through easier.

On a similar note: Personally, I think there are too many stop lights in Western New York. And yet, I don’t really like roundabouts. There was a town in Germany or something that took out all their stop lights, stop signs, etc. a few years ago. And they found that traffic accidents actually went down. I don’t understand why. But I’m all for it. I hate being the only car on the road and having to wait for a stop light.

Personally, I think that if you buy or rent a DVD or Blu-Ray disc you should not be forced to watch the previews if you don’t want to. Being made to watch advertising before you can watch the movie you paid for just seems unfair. That said, I often love the previews. But let me watch them when I want. Not before the movie I’m super excited about watching.

Personally, I’ll be watching practically nothing but Christmas movies for the next month. Because, you know, Santa waved at me yesterday and that was my cue.

Scott Leffler has opinions about everything. And because they're opinions, they can't be wrong. Follow him on Twitter @scottleffler.

It's the holidays -- get over it

With October come and gone, it is, as far as I’m concerned, the holiday season. Or “the holidays.”

There are lots of holidays coming up. Veterans Day, Thanksgiving, Kwanzaa, Hanukkah, Christmas, New Year’s. Lots of holiday. So I find “happy holidays” to be an appropriate greeting this time of year.

Some people will tell me that I’m un-American for saying “happy holidays” because when Jesus wrote the Constitution, he declared that if you weren’t a Christian, you might as well just go back to Mexico … or something. At least that seems to be the gist that I get from people.

I’ve mentioned in this space previously that I’m a proud Christian. I’ve also mentioned before that my religion and my country are not as intertwined as some would have you believe. We are, after all, the great melting pot. Or at least we’re supposed to be.

If you take all your Halloween candy from yesterday and stick it in a pot and melt it, it doesn’t all become Snickers bars, no matter how much you might want it to. America is similar. If we’re truly a melting pot, then not everyone is going to be a blonde-haired, blue-eyed Christian. Which is good, since I have a thing for brunettes.

Bill O’Reilly will tell you that there’s a war against Christmas. That anyone like me who prefers to be inclusive by saying “happy holidays” is simply trying to subvert the founders’ Christian beliefs. He’s been on this kick for years and it gets more annoying every year.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Christmas. As far as I’m concerned, Christmas begins the day after Thanksgiving. That’s when I’ll start decorating, put up the tree and switch to 24-7 Christmas music.

But loving Christmas doesn’t have to mean hating other holidays. Just as being Christian doesn’t mean hating other religions.

So let me be the first to say “happy holidays,” before someone in Congress gets the bright idea to make the phrase illegal.

Scott Leffler is a big fan of all holidays. Except Thanksgiving. Follow him on Twitter @scottleffler.

Some things should just be avoided

I have no idea what’s going on in Syria. I’m not sure what’s going to end up happening. But I know that the whole ordeal bugs me. I know that I’m not in favor of bombing another country in response to their (allegedly) gassing their own people. Killing people in retaliation for them killing people makes no sense to me.

Yes, as I’ve pointed out before, I’m a peacenik.

I thought that Piers Morgan put it best the other night following President Barack Obama’s speech.

“Isn't the message to other brutal dictators, 'when you slaughter your people, don't use gas,’” the CNN host asked.

That’s been one of my points all along. Dead is dead. People who die from Tomahawk missiles are no less dead than people who die from Sarin gas. So I don’t see how we can claim the moral high ground.

My advice to my congressman: Stay out of Syria unless you have reason to believe that Syria wants to come here.

•••

I was downright annoyed Wednesday as I scrolled through my social media feeds.

The only thing worse than the sunny-day patriotism on my Facebook and Twitter feeds on the 12-year anniversary of the attacks on America was the open use of the national tragedy to score political points.

How dare some people use the death of thousands of Americans as an excuse or reason to sound off on matters completely unrelated.

Look. I get it. Some people hate Obama. And Muslims. And anyone else who doesn't look, talk, act and dress like them. That's not a valid reason for people to make a fool of themselves. They're embarrassing themselves and our country. And in short, these people are why the world hates us.

•••

I have — at times — some obsessive compulsive characteristics. For example, I cannot walk past my mailbox without checking it. No matter what time, day or night. And no matter how many times I walk past it.

Once a day — at most — my OCD pays off and there’s mail in the box. Thursday afternoon it paid off at about 3 p.m. when I had a catalog selling Christmas decorations.

Now, I love Christmas. Always have. I’m sure I always will. From the day after Thanksgiving until Dec. 25, I listen to Christmas music, eat Christmas cookies, gaze at my beautifully lit Christmas tree and basically bask in the glow of the season of good will.

But from Dec. 26 until Thanksgiving day, I steer clear of Christmas. I cringe when I see Christmas decorations in January — unless they’re on the clearance shelf. And I equally cringe when I see them in September.

I’m guilty, as my family knows, of whistling Christmas tunes in July. It’s a signal that I’m particularly happy. But it’s an unintentional reflex, not something I plan out.

Now, I understand that in order to get people to buy their Christmas stuff in order to wrap presents in time, they have to order them early enough. But September? It’s just too early.

Scott Leffler is frequently random and usually annoyed. Both are easily seen on Twitter where you can find him @scottleffler.

Some heavy thoughts for the new year

Another Christmas has come and gone. I hope you got everything you were hoping for. Santa took care of pretty much everything on my list — aside from world peace … but I remain hopeful for 2013.

I’ve never been one to make resolutions for the new year. Sure there are things that I want to improve about myself, but I try to take things one day at a time rather than putting all my hope into the new year and then realizing in December that I still have a lot to accomplish that I said I was going to do in January.

This year was a good one, though, in terms of resolutions I didn’t even make. For one thing, I lost a significant amount of weight. At one point, I was in the 220-pound range and quite unhealthy. For years, I’ve hovered right around 200. And now I’m just under 180, which has been my goal for at least half a decade.

Dropping the weight was good for my sense of self worth — and not that I feel better because I am my target weight, but more so because I feel better because I was finally able to do it. Although to be honest, weighing 180 also just FEELS better. I have more energy. My back hurts less. And the guy looking back at me in the mirror smiles a lot more readily.

Losing weight has resulted in some funny conversations, though. Very few people tell you when you’re gaining weight. No one wants to offend you. But they’re quick to say something when you’re losing it. Of course in my twisted mind what they’re really saying is, “Hey, I’ve been meaning to tell you that you’re fat, but I kept forgetting.”

I was at a local watering hole last week putting weight back on — 16 ounces at a time — when I was introduced to a woman who refused to believe I am who I say I am. Comparing my photo that runs with this column to who I appeared to be in the flesh, she said something to the effect of I must have lost 80 pounds.

That made me feel good … and bad all at the same time.

This past week has not been good for trying to lose weight, I’ll tell you that. I feel like I’ve done nothing but eat. Pizza. Cookies. Crab. Cookies. Ham. Cookies. There’s a lot of cookies this time of year.

Fortunately the cookie well will run dry just as soon as I finish the plates on my kitchen island. I’m inclined to eat them all right now - just so I won’t be tempted later. Sometimes my logic is riddled with holes. Which is why it’s good that Christmas only comes once a year.

Scott Leffler is skinnier in real-life. And he’s practically weightless on Twitter. Find out for yourself @scottleffler.

Everyone deserves to have a merry Christmas

It’s the most wonderful time of the year. And for kids around the world, the entire calendar revolves around today — Christmas.

This morning, kids woke up early to get a peak under the tree and despite their best efforts just couldn’t wait long enough to wake their parents so they could open all the wonderful presents that Santa brought.

Or at least that’s how I imagine it. My ex-wife and I always had to wake our kids up. They always chose today to sleep in for some reason we never understood. And frankly the excitement was more than we could handle.

Some years Santa was extra generous. Some years Santa just couldn’t seem to fit as much under the tree. Oddly Santa’s generosity was tied to how well the Leffler family itself was doing financially. I think it’s a subsection in the Santa Clause that says he’s not allowed to show up mom and dad.

But every year we had Christmas.

Sadly part of that Santa Clause means that some trees go nearly empty year after year.

Also noteworthy, some kids understand fully well — without ever being told — that Santa has his limitations. Those kids make the most peculiar requests of the Jolly Old Elf. We know this because sometimes the US Postal Service reads their letters … so they can help Santa out.

This year, even more than in years passed, the postal service has noticed that the things kids ask for are simple. Jobs for parents without work. Shoes, coats and blankets. Simple things that most of us take for granted.

For those of us who are doing well, it’s hard to really imagine those that aren’t. Sure we donate to the local soup kitchen or drop some coins off in the red kettles outside the big box stores or grocery markets, but the scope of need nationwide — as well as in our own communities — is just staggering.

It’s a good thing we’ve got organizations that help. It’s a good thing that there are men and women at the postal service going through letters to Santa to find families in need and giving them merry Christmases, too.

I have everything I need this year. All I asked Santa for was to have my family be together on Christmas to enjoy each other’s company and watch the sparkle in each others eyes.

Over the years Christmas has changed. When I was a young boy, it was about toys and games. Then I grew up a little and it was about time with family. And back to toys and games when my girls were younger. And now that they’re a little older, it’s back to time with family again.

Take a minute today to inventory what you have. And revel in all that it is. Some people aren’t nearly as lucky as you. And that’s up to you to decide how you define lucky. Maybe it means more toys and games. Maybe it means more time with family. But today everyone deserves to be happy.

I hope you have a Merry Christmas.

Scott Leffler is a very lucky boy. And he gets a little sentimental this time of year. Follow him on Twitter @scottleffler.

Ringing in the Christmas season right

I went to a tree-lighting ceremony Friday night and a parade Saturday. Plus I watched Christmas movies almost non-stop. But for some reason I just couldn’t get into the Christmas spirit.

Until it snowed.

The snow Sunday morning put me over the top and I am now officially in Christmas mode. I want Christmas movies and Christmas music and Christmas decorations. And basically, I want Christmas. Now. And forever.

I’m not entirely sure what it is that makes me such a Christmas fanatic. Maybe it’s a longing for my childhood. Maybe it’s just a desire for the innocence that comes with Christmas. Whatever it is, it’s always been this way. I love Christmas.

Truth of the matter is, I’m a Christmas geek all year round. Those that know me know that one of the best ways to tell if I’m in a good mood is to listen for me whistling Christmas music in the middle of the summer. Ding Dong Merrily on High and whatnot.

There’s not an aspect of Christmas that I don’t like. I want to put the tree up. I want to cover my art in Christmas wrapping. I want to go shopping. I want to put my Christmas ducks in the bathroom. As soon as humanly possible.

Of course, as any responsible adult, I wait until the day after Thanksgiving. This year that was earlier than most and I took full advantage.

Saturday afternoon I did nothing but watch Christmas movies with my daughters. One after another. After another. We continued the trend through the weekend, watching Home Alone, Home Alone 2, Jingle All the Way and National Lampoons Christmas Vacation, among others.

My memories of Christmas growing up are somewhat scant. Of course, I remember a couple presents here and there. I remember waiting with my dad for everyone else to wake up. And I remember family coming for dinner — or on a few occasions us going there. But I wish I remembered more.

My only hope is that my girls remember Christmas. And our Christmas traditions. First and foremost, I hope they remember that we loved each other. Because, really, that’s what the Christmas season is all about — loving each other, despite our differences. And despite any problems we might have the rest of the year.

I find it somewhat ironic that Christmas essentially begins on one of my least favorite days — Thanksgiving. I know, most people seem to love Thanksgiving, although I have no idea why.

I hosted Thanksgiving this year, and I’m told I did a good job. I hope that’s a for-real thing and not just people being nice because of it being the Christmas season.

You should be nice during the Christmas season, of course. That means now through the end of the year.

Of course, you should be nice all year long. But it seems so much easier this time of year. Maybe that’s because Santa is coming. Or maybe it just is what it is.

Either way, I hope your Christmas season is off to a great start.

Scott Leffler loves Christmas. If you have a problem with that, you can tell him @scottleffler on Twitter.

Life's most lasting gifts don't come in boxes

Sunday morning, children around the world woke up and ran to the Christmas tree, anxious to see what Santa brought them.

Maybe they got toys. Maybe they got clothes. Maybe they got gift cards. Who knows. But surely they got memories. And over the years, they’ll get lessons. The toys they’ll forget. The lessons will stay with them.

A couple weeks ago, I was making Kool Aid. I got the Kool Aid packets, put them in the pitcher, added sugar and asked my girlfriend Heather to get me the wooden spoon out of the drawer.

Handing it to me, she asked, “Why wooden?”

I had no answer for her other than, “Because I always use the wooden spoon. I always have. I have no idea why.”

In short, I do it that way because I do it that way.

I asked my friends on Facebook if they had any similar oddities, explaining my wooden spoon Kool Aid story.

Oddly, most of them stirred their Kool Aid with a wooden spoon, too. More odd is that no one really knew why either. There were theories, but no hard science.

A quick Google search was sure to find me a reason that I always use the wooden spoon. I turned up dozens of search results for how to make Kool Aid. Almost all of them said “stir with wooden spoon.” None of them said why.

Thinking about it further, it occurred to me that my mom always made Kool Aid with a wooden spoon.

“Mom, why do I stir my Kool Aid with a wooden spoon?” I asked her.

She said she had no idea why I did, but said that she always used a wooden spoon when I was growing up.

“So why did you use a wooden spoon?”

“Probably because it was longest spoon that I had,” she answered.

So in essence, I use a wooden spoon because mom did. And no other reason.

It’s just one of many “gifts” that I’ve gotten from my mother over the years. I might not know when or why I got them, but they’ve stuck with me a lot longer than tinker toys or a “Red Ryder BB gun with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time.”

Some of life’s best gifts aren’t wrapped. They aren’t given to you on your birthday or Christmas. And many you don’t even remember getting. But you keep them forever.

Excited about the season

This past weekend was one of my favorite weekends of the year — the weekend the world transitions to Christmas.

Magically, the Friday after Thanksgiving, it’s OK to listen to Christmas music, and suddenly all those Christmas lights that I’ve been complaining about don’t seem so passé. I get this itch, wanting to decorate the house for Christmas and watch Christmas movies. Actually, Christmas fever, if you will, starts before Thanksgiving, and becomes just about unbearable during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. By the time Santa heads down the parade route, I’m about ready to jump out of my skin.

Many of you spent the morning after Thanksgiving waiting in lines for shopping deals at local shops and big box stores. For those who did it, good for you. That’s typically part of my Black Friday tradition, and it’s usually quite memorable, although I skipped it this year in favor of sleep. However, I have a video from one Black Friday of me walking from the entrance at the Target on Transit Road in Williamsville all the way to the end of the line. The video is about five minutes long as I kibitz with the people standing in line — all of them in front of me as I head to my spot at the rear. It was cold and wet, but everyone in line was excited to be there.

For the life of me, I can’t think of a single thing I’ve ever bought on Black Friday, but the experience itself was always fun. That may seem crazy to you, but those who get into it will surely agree. Different strokes for different folks, ya know?

Saturday, the kids and I got a pizza and — with the help of my girlfriend — started boxing up the decorations that adorn the house the 11 months out of the year that aren’t Christmas. We wrapped the photo frames on the wall in Christmas wrapping paper and put out the Christmas clock. We put up and molded the tree and decorated it with ornaments, some of which I’ve had since I was a tiny tot and some that we just got last year. Many of the ornaments mean something special, but they all mean it’s Christmas.

We watched “Home Alone.” And “Home Alone 2.” We watched the first few minutes of “Home Alone 3” and then decided it was stupid. We talked about the Christmas specials we all love — like “Charlie Brown” and “Rudolph.” And we listened to some Christmas jazz when we weren’t watching Christmas movies.

There’s just something about this time of year that turns people into kids. Or at least it does so for me. Although I’ve lived through Christmas 36 times before, it always seems so new, so fresh, so exciting.
So if you see me over the next month, and I’m all giddy and look like I won the lottery, odds are it’s just that I feel like I won the lottery. Because it’s Christmas.

For everything there is a season

I’ve always liked Halloween.

As a kid, Halloween gave me an excuse to eat as many Snickers bars as possible in a very short period of time. I’m almost surprised I made it through the Halloweens of my youth, given the amount of sugar I consumed.

Also as a kid, I always enjoyed the Halloween parade at my school, Military Road Elementary School, which is now just a big abandoned building. Some say it’s haunted. Of course, some say every big abandoned building is haunted. They have overactive imaginations.

As a teenager, it was my love of scary movies that took over. I have no idea why it is people enjoy being scared, but they do. Many of my favorite movies are of the horror variety.

When my kids were younger, I enjoyed Halloween vicariously through them. They got excited about the costumes — and no doubt, the candy. I enjoyed walking around the neighborhood with them and hearing everyone comment on their costumes.

As an adult, my favorite part about Halloween is the costumes. It’s amazing some of the things that some people wear out in public. I’m not sure when Halloween made the transition from “wear something scary” to “wear almost nothing,” but I’m not complaining.

I also enjoy carving pumpkins. I’m not particularly good at it, but I have fun doing it anyway. I’m usually a bit of an overachiever when it comes to jack-o-lantern carving. I have some great pictures throughout the years.

I find it funny that the same holiday has meant so many different things over the years. I guess that’s called growing up.

Another thing that Halloween means these days is that it’s almost election time. This has been a rather hum-drum election year. There are no major statewide races. There are no Congressional races. And despite the fact that there are stories about the race for the White House in the news every single day, that’s not this year either.

I’m looking forward to the end of election season, nonetheless.

Election season is almost a Halloween of its own. Normal people change into something different to bad-mouth perfectly good citizens and make the rest of the world think they’re sinister and scary.
After Halloween (and election season), it’s a mad dash to the end of the year — and Christmas.

Stores used to wait until after Halloween to start putting up Christmas displays. That tradition seems to have been changed. This year, I saw Christmas stuff and Halloween stuff go out at the same time.
I love me some Christmas, but I do wish it would wait until after spooky season.

It’s funny how fast the last two months of the year always go. The calendar gets from Nov. 1 to Dec. 31 in what seems like a couple days. But Jan. 1 to March 1, on the other hand, take much, much longer.

For now, I’ll just enjoy the season we’re in — with the candy and the movies and the decorations and the costumes. And the political fliers and the commercials and the lies and the propaganda.

'Tis no longer the season

Another Christmas has come and gone.

I had a great Christmas season, ending on an an absolutely wonderful Christmas Day where I got everything I asked for. True story.

I mentioned last month how much I love Christmas. I get into the lights. And the music. And the movies. Heck, I watched Christmas movies almost exclusively from Thanksgiving until Saturday night.

However, as I said, the Christmas season ends on Christmas Day. And come December 26^th, it just seems wrong to watch Christmas movies. Christmas music becomes passé. The snow stops being pretty and starts being a nuisance. And I can endure the lights and decorations for a little while longer, but by a few days after New Years, they start to bother me.

I guess I feel like there's a place for everything and everything in its place.

With Christmas come and gone, it's now time to focus on the new year. A time we all dedicate to bettering ourselves.

I had never been one for New Year's resolutions. But I made several last year. And I'm happy to say I kept most of them. I didn't resolve to lose weight. Or quit any vices. I would have failed those. Mostly, I just resolved to just be a better person. I think I was.

This coming year I resolve to build on the successes I had in 2010. I had several. I also had my fair share of failures. I resolve to work harder to have less of those in 2011.

Whatever you might want 2011 to be, remember that it is mostly up to you. Sure, there are things in life we don't control. But we do control who we are, individually.

Resolutions should not be wishes. They are intentions. Promises, if you will. And they're promises you make to yourself. Maybe you make them publicly and tell your friends and colleagues. But what you tell yourself is really more important.

A resolution should not be boastful. No one is impressed with what you say you intend to do. People are impressed by actions.

I can truly say that today I am a better, stronger person than I was a year ago. While that may not be impressive to you, it means everything to me.

---

I got quite a bit of feedback on last week's column. When I wrote it, I was somewhat concerned that it was too specific to Lockport. But the kudos came from far and wide, as I should have expected. Lockport may have been the example, but the topic was somewhat universal.

I always enjoy feedback. Be it positive or negative. It let's me know that you're reading this, first of all. It also lets me know that you care about the community you live in.

This paper encourages feedback. And we want to hear your opinion on things. You can let us know what you're thinking with a letter to the editor, by calling Sound Off, or by adding your two cents to our Facebook page.

Maybe that can be your resolution. Resolve to get more involved.

Alright, I bared my soul enough this week. I'll meet you back here next Tuesday.

Getting into the season ...

This time of year I'm like a kid at – well – Christmas.

I'm not sure what it is, but it seems like as soon as I see Santa Claus in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, any concerns I have get wiped away while I bask in the warmth of the Christmas season.

It seemed like half the houses in my neighborhood had lights up the day after Thanksgiving. And almost everyone I know was out hustling and bustling trying to get the good deal on whatever at the stores holding sales Friday morning.

I had friends in town and the kids and I made paper snowflakes and hung them from the ceiling all around the house. I got peppermint flavored creamer for my coffee and suddenly, the egg nog is in season again.

I can't seem to help but to smile this time of year.

Yeah, it's colder than it was a month ago. You've got to turn your heat up. You may have to scrape your car off before heading to work. And there's a lot more traffic than there should be on Transit, the Boulevard, Military Road and Walden. But how can you not grin at the toddler with the gleam in his eyes entranced by the toy at the store that you know he's getting – even if he doesn't.

Of course, there are some kids that don't get the toy. And some people who can't afford the peppermint creamer. And even people who can afford to turn the heat up.

Fortunately, we seem to remember the needy more this time of year. And we make donations of food, clothes and even money to local charities more so than we would in, say, October.

In the Spring and Summer, I'm very interested in being out and about. Doing things with those I care about. Or even by myself. I want to see new things and try new things. This year I got to see and try many things that I hadn't done before. I consider the year to have been successful.
But by late November and early December, all I want to do is sit on the couch with my kids and watch one Christmas movie after another. Ones from when they were younger. Ones from when I was younger. And even ones from when you were younger.

The same goes for Christmas music. I almost couldn't wait to turn Christmas music on. I did though. Thursday night on my way into work, it was all Christmas music. And the look in my eyes was probably about the same as the toddler in the toy store.

There's something special about Christmas music. There's notes that can only be achieved when singing about the holidays. The same thing seems true for Christmas movies. Things take on more meaning.

This is an emotional time of year for me. Always has been. You might know me as “that jerk,” but when it comes to the holiday season, I forget to play that role and I get all mushy.

Maybe Christmas is just stressful for you. You have to work overtime and can't forget to get a gift for Aunt Betty. And the bills pile up. And driving is frustrating. Etc. Etc. Etc.

Let all that go and just bask in the glory of Christmas. Surround yourself with those you love and the rest will seem to take care of itself.

Merry Christmas, Lockport

My good friend Santa Claus visited the Leffler household Sunday night. It was a very nice thing to do.

He was just making sure my daughters got all their wishes in on time.

As we were saying goodbye and good luck for tonight's Christmas delivery, Santa pulled me aside and asked me for some last minute gift ideas for some friends of mine.

I told him I couldn't answer him at the moment, but that he could read it in today's paper.

Santa, I'm told, is a huge fan of the Union-Sun & Journal.

Santa,

For Mayor Sullivan, I would like to suggest an executive gift set, including a digital voice recorder so he can recall who he endorsed and who he didn't, and a dictionary so he can correctly use words like "support" and "persist."

For Alderman Joe Kibler, some playground equipment, a sock, and a manual on how to properly use the sock. Manual should read as follows: If you are struck with a moment of genius, insert sock into mouth. Better the sock than the foot.

For Alderman (and sheriff's department investigator) Scott Elliott, a seat back on the city's police board, which he resigned from earlier this year.

For Alderwoman Phyllis Green, plane tickets to Florida or North Carolina, so long as she uses them quickly. Oh, and make them one-way.

Give some to county legislators, too, please Santa.

For Alderman Scott Cercone, a horticulture degree so he has the knowledge necessary for tree and monument placement in city parks.

For Council President Patrick Schrader, a Magic Eight-Ball so he can figure out whether his resolutions have the votes or not.

For Alderman David Blackley, a watch set 15 minutes fast so he can make his meetings on time.

For Senator George Maziarz, a clone. This will serve two purposes. He can attend more bar mitzvahs and he can no longer tell me, "Scott, I'm just one man."

For Police Chief Neil Merritt, a phone line that isn't recorded.

For Officer Brian LeBere, golf lessons and greens fees to a course that doesn't call the Union-Sun & Journal with scores. I'm sure he'll be bowled over by that.

For City Attorney John J. Ottaviano, a gift certificate for lunch at Tom's Diner for Dec. 28 at noon.

For Developer Elmer Granchelli, a gift certificate for lunch at Tom's Diner for Dec. 28 at noon.

For City Clerk Dick Mullaney, his own floor in City Hall so he has the room to perform the duties of clerk ... budget director ... Civil Service commissioner ... the mayor ... Common Council ... dog warden ... etc.

For Building Inspector James McCann, a certificate of occupancy for Washington Heights and the foresight to check things out before making statements about whether people live in vacant buildings.

For Community Development Director Bill Evert, a time machine so he can see something happen on the South Block and Richmond Avenue.

For Paul Oates, ... never mind Santa, I think Paul got his wish.

For Lenny Thomas, a home on Lincoln Avenue so he doesn't have to go so far when trouble breaks out at the high school. Also, a bullhorn so the Common Council will listen to him when he warns them about problems on the city's north end.

For John Lombardi, chairman of the city's Republican Committee, a grueling primary battle for the mayor's race, after which the loser runs on another party line and siphons votes from the "other" Republican, letting Tom Sullivan stay in office another four years.

And for all of my friends, a salt shaker so they can take a grain as needed — while reading this column, for example.