The circle of (food) life ...

I’ve gone through periods of my life where I eat very healthy. Those periods, however, are the exception — not the norm.

I grew up with four food groups, where things were “part of a complete diet,” or something like that. It was the nutritional standard from 1956 until 1992. There was meat, dairy, grains and fruit. Pretty simple. Even I could understand it.

But the year I left for college, the USDA went and gummed up the works, trading four food groups in for a food pyramid consisting of grains, fruits, veggies, dairy, meats and sweets.

This mattered none, however, because the college I went to had the best food. Seriously. And it was all you could eat, so I couldn’t care less what step of the food pyramid it was on.

After graduation, we were lucky enough to have money to afford food at all. And quickly thereafter there were only two food groups: Baby food and adult food.

The whole food pyramid was kind of complex, in my opinion. And never really caught on. It certainly didn’t in my household.

Actually, my household is an anomaly. I’ve joked with my kids for years that just about everything is good for you. For example, “Coffee’s good for you. It’s got vitamin C in it. The C stands for coffee.” Likewise, bubblegum has vitamin B in it, and so on.

Fortunately, my kids are smarter than me and ignore me when I say stupid things like that.
In 2005, the food pyramid got revamped into “my pyramid,” with the same basic info, but presented in a manner which was much less easily digestible. It was like the government didn’t want us to understand nutrition.

Last week, they ditched the pyramid altogether, thankfully, replacing it with “my plate,” which looks a whole lot like a pie chart. But don’t call it a pie chart. You’ll upset the USDA. Plus, pie is not a food group ... even if I think it should be. It’s got vitamin P, you know?

My plate shows that about half of what you eat should be fruits and veggies, with a slightly higher percentage being veggies. The other half should be grains and proteins, with again a higher percentage being grains. And then off on the side, there’s a separate circle for dairy. So we’re almost back to the four food groups, except they gave fruits and veggies each their own group. It’s five food groups. It’s much easier to understand than a food pyramid, that’s for sure. Maybe food pyramids would make sense in Egypt ... or parts of South America.

But this is America where everyone knows that circle gets the square.

For the life of me, I don’t understand why food doesn’t just come color coded at the grocery store. Green label means you can eat as much as you want (veggies, for example). Yellow label means eat in moderation (red meat, for example). And red label means eat very sparingly (Snickers bars). I mean, really, could it get more simple?

Well, sure it could. We could eat all of our meals through a straw like in the movie “Wall-E.” But that didn’t go so well for them.

#NY26 ... Done and done

It gives me great pleasure to know that this is very likely, almost definitely, nearly beyond the shadow of a doubt my last column in which I mention the special election in the 26th Congressional District.

It annoyed us for a few months and now it’s going to annoy the pundits and major political parties for months to come as they try to discern what it means and each side does everything they can to pretend to learn from it, while eventually overplaying their hand.

For example, shortly after the election last Tuesday, the Democrats had discerned that it was all about Medicare and have already come up with a strategy for 2012: Hang the Paul Ryan budget plan on every Republican member of Congress, as well as every candidate for everything from the presidency to dog catcher in every small town across the United States.

The Republicans, meanwhile were already attempting to claim that their stunning defeat had little-to-nothing to do with the Ryan plan and their plans to change Medicare — even before the votes were counted last week.

They went into overtime trying to downplay the Medicare effect as soon as the election was over, with Speaker of the House John Boehner saying, “When you look at what happened in this election, you’ve got a third-party candidate who spent nearly three million dollars attacking the Republican candidate. I could be somewhat critical of how the campaign was run, but the fact is we didn’t win it. And part of, the small part of the reason we didn’t win clearly had to do with Medicare.”

That’s correct, they’re blaming Jack Davis for the loss. I’ve even seen some people saying that Davis “finally got his wish” to wrest that district from GOP control. These people are either not paying attention or just plain delusional. Well, of course, they are, they’re politicians.

Both Congressman Brian Higgins and Congresswoman Louise Slaughter supported eventual winner Kathy Hochul in her bid to take the 26th District. Slaughter even said afterward that she had a spare bedroom if Hochul needed a place to stay in D.C.

Of course, Democrats support Democrats. That’s what they do. It’s like the world’s most annoying fraternity. But with redistricting coming up in the very near future, I wonder how tight their relationships really are. Odds are, the 26th gets gobbled up by Slaughter’s 28th and Higgins’ 27th, which means Hochul will end up at odds with one of her two supporters, depending on where she decides to locate in the district — unless, of course, one of them decides not to run in 2012.

By the way, there was much ado made on Election Day about the fact that Hochul doesn’t live in the district she’s about to represent. She didn’t have to. She doesn’t have to. And the fact that her residency was the GOP’s closing argument told me long before the polls closed that Hochul was going to win it.

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I hope you had yesterday off of work. I hope you enjoyed it with loved ones. I also hope you appreciated it. This country exists because of the sacrifices of brave men and women throughout our history. Their sacrifices make everything else possible.